A Complicated Love
by takeyourside
Summary: Having fallen in love with each other, Sienna and Trevor begin to explore their relationship more... It's all one big secret, but that's what they find so exciting about it. However, underneath the fun and the passion are two souls who need one another's support, who need love, understanding and, most of all, each other...
1. Chapter 1

It was eight o'clock; Trevor was sat on the couch with colouring pencils in his hands and colouring book on his lap. He enjoyed it because not only did the activity keep him calm and relaxed, but because it reminded him of Sienna. Sienna Blake – the 'fruit loop' of the village. Before getting to know her, Trevor's opinion of Sienna had been the same as most of the village's; he assumed Sienna to be a sociopathic head case. As much as he hated to admit it, he was a bigot. He had no attachments to mental illness and, as far as he was concerned, had no reason to understand it. However, since being diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, he had suddenly had to mature his opinion surrounding the matter. Dylan's death, the hospital murders he was wrongly arrested for and consequently the breakdown in his and Grace's relationship had lead to impossible peace within his own mind. Through a colouring session with Sienna on a public bench, Trevor soon discovered he wasn't alone in suffering from PTSD, and that she understood he mental anguish he was experiencing. It had been since then that Trevor had been unable to go a day without thinking about her. Their kiss in the Loft had alleviated those feelings, so when they finally began meeting as secret lovers, Trevor had never felt so happy. Of course, he had loved Grace for years, but after she believed him to be a serial killer, he couldn't look at her quite the same. It was from then on that Trevor realised he valued their relationship more than she did, and while he sat colouring in he was given the time to reflect on the previous few weeks.

He was disturbed from his train of thought when his phone buzzed. It was a message from his 'counsellor' and read: " _Can I see you? X_ ". Trevor grinned when he read it and his stomach fluttered slightly. He immediately messaged her back and tapped on the sided on his phone, before packing away his pencils.

Sienna smiled when she read the text her 'therapist' had sent her. " _My place, 5 minutes X_ ". Sienna grabbed her red coat and slipped both her phones into her pocket. She never thought she would be the 'other woman', but she didn't feel like she held that title. She loved Trevor, and she felt as though he loved her too. He made her feel calm, safe, wanted. He made her feel warm inside and her stomach fluttered when she was in his company. He made her feel worth something, a feeling she had rarely experienced through her life. Even with Ben she didn't feel how she did with Trevor.

Sienna knew that what she was doing with Trevor was wrong, but it felt right in a strange way. She knew that she was supposed to be getting married to Ben, but she couldn't resist being in Trevor's company.

Trevor placed two wine glasses onto the counter when he heard the doorbell ring. He swiftly walked over and opened the door. Sienna stood in front of him; he was in awe of her beauty. His stomach flipped and he smiled at her. Sienna's stomach also flipped, a smile crept onto her face due to being in her lover's presence. He invited her in and she removed her coat before sitting down on the couch. Trevor then joined her with the bottle of red wine and the two empty glasses; he sat down next to her and filled the glasses, then handed one to her. "Grace has gone on a spa weekend with Esther." He informed Sienna before continuing. "Curtis is asleep in his room, at least she trusts me to look after my son even if she doesn't think I'm capable of running 'The Loft' on my own." He drank a mouthful of wine. "Maybe she's just… worried…" Sienna tried to lift his mood and smiled at him. Her voice was half-hearted and forced causing Trevor to stare into her eyes for a couple of seconds. "What's wrong?" He asked but Sienna shook her head with a small smile. "Nothing, I'm fine." She replied but Trevor took her hand in his. "Talk to me…"

"Do you ever just feel like…? Like you aren't worth it?" She asked him hesitantly, but he looked slightly puzzled. "Like you aren't worth what?" He questioned, still holding her hand tightly in his. "I don't know… Love… I guess…" She slowly revealed and her eyes had drifted away from his. His face dropped slightly; he didn't realise how low her self-confidence was. He had no idea that she felt so insecure. He gently squeezed her hand and she moved her gaze to find his."If you aren't worthy of love, then no one is…" His voice was gentle and meaningful and Sienna tried her best efforts to smile. "I love you." He told her as he looked into her eyes. He leaned forward, as did she, and their lips met. They kissed slowly and passionately…

They lied in Trevor's – and ultimately Grace's – bed, Sienna rested her head on his chest and they were entwined in the sheets. Sienna's hand was placed next to her head as she breathed in time with Trevor, who ran his hand through her hair. "When I was a kid…" She began; her voice was breathy and broken. "My dad he… Well, if I'd been good, and if he was in a good mood, he would make us each a hot chocolate with whipped cream on top." Trevor continued to gently play with her hair. "It was the only time I realised that… Well, I realised that he did actually love me… I don't really know why I'm telling you this." Her eyes had a glaze of tears and her vision was blurred. "I guess… I guess it's because I trust you… You make me feel… Safe…" Trevor wrapped his arm around her and she snuggled into him, the pair falling asleep in each other's embrace.


	2. Chapter 2

When Sienna awoke, Trevor was no longer lying there with her. She looked at the digital alarm clock next to his bed; it read 08:44. She lay still for a few moments, thinking about Trevor. The scent of his aftershave lingered within the sheets she was tangled in and she inhaled it – he was her addiction. She saw his shirt lying on the floor, so got out of bed and slung it on along with her underwear. She ran a hand through her hair as she left the bedroom and headed downstairs, where she found Trevor feeding breakfast to Curtis. She stood and smiled at them; she loved seeing the softer side to the man labelled as a gangster. Trevor spotted Sienna and smiled at her. "You're awake then?" He stared at her in all her beauty; she was wearing no makeup and her hair had fallen on her shoulder beautifully. She was perfect. The fact she was wearing his shirt made his smile grow. "I thought I'd make pancakes for breakfast once I've sorted Curtis out." He told her and she looked at him inquisitively. "You know how to make pancakes?" She asked and Trevor mocked a look of hurt. "I'll have you know I am a brilliant chef!" He grinned and she walked over to him, they met with a kiss. "Why don't I finish feeding Curtis for you? Then I can change him after as well if that'd make your life easier." She suggested and he held her closely to him. "You're a life saver!" They kissed once more, filled with passion, before Trevor began cooking their breakfast and Sienna finished off feeding Curtis. Trevor watched the maternal side of his lover and his feelings deepened by the second as he watched her take the child off upstairs to change him.

After having breakfast with Trevor, Sienna had insisted she needed to leave so that Nico – who'd been staying at Peri's – had someone to return home to. Sienna showered and got changed before she received a message from her daughter. "I'm out with Peri, can I stay another night? Can you drop some clothes over please? X" It read. Sienna looked up when the door slammed open and Ben burst through. "Are you alright? Sorry I didn't come home last night; I stayed at one of the lads' from the station. I need a quick shower and I'll probably do the same tonight! They need as many people on shift as they can get." Ben explained to Sienna, whose face dropped. "What about our date night?" She asked her fiancé. "Oh Sienna, I'm sorry… I completely forgot. I'll make it up to you," he apologised as he brushed past her towards the bathroom. "Well could you do me a favour and drop some things over at Leela's for Nico?" She requested.

Trevor was startled by a loud, rapid knocking on the door; a desperate kind of knocking. He pulled it open to see Sienna the other side; she looked flushed, uncertain, and anxious. Her breathing was unsteady and she had a hand on the wall. "Sienna, what's wrong?" Trevor asked with concern, he held her arms as the panic shot through her face. Her eyes filled with tears that soon began to fall at a rapid rate. "I… I… I can't… I can't… breathe…" Sienna struggled to spit the words out. "Sienna you need to breathe deeply and slowly: in for seven, out for eleven. In, out… In, out…" Trevor breathed in with her while continuing to hold her in an attempt to calm his lover down. It started to work and Sienna's breathing returned to normal, but the tears continued to stream down her face, causing Trevor to pull her into a warm, tight hug.

He walked from the kitchen to Sienna sat on the sofa, two steaming mugs in his hands. He sat down next to Sienna and passed her one. "Hot chocolate… You remembered!" She smiled to him in amazement; she didn't think he would've listened to her late night rambles because no one else normally did. "Of course I remembered. I gave you the whipped cream and everything!" He grinned and Sienna chuckled. "It made you feel loved by your dad. Hopefully, now you'll feel loved by me… No more panic attacks." He brushed a hair away from her face. "What happened?" He continued and Sienna looked briefly down. "Ben came home… I know sometimes I feel like he's suffocating but it was different today." Sienna began and she swallowed, and then diverted her gaze from Trevor's. "I asked him if he could drop some things over to Nico because she's staying at Peri's, and he just kicked off. He hadn't slept much and had stayed on a friend's sofa. He just lost it. He told me that I need to start taking responsibility and stop being so selfish… He just said a few things that got to me, but enough about me." Sienna stopped and sipped at her hot chocolate. She could feel the cream on the top of her lip and licked it off after moving the mug away from her face. "No, it's not enough. I want to hear it; I want to hear everything you have to say. You're there for me when I'm upset, now it's my turn to be there for you." He placed a hand on her knee; she was sitting half cross-legged with one leg on the settee and the other not. Truthfully, Sienna didn't want to tell him because she didn't want to be a burden. She didn't want him to get sick of her and reject her. However, she couldn't refuse him. Deep down, below all the anxiety and the fear, Sienna knew he really did care. "He said that maybe when my dad took Nico away at birth I was for the best, because who would really want a mother like me? It just… It got to me. I know he probably didn't mean it, but it's true. I'm never there for Nico. She's been on dialysis waiting for a kidney transplant and I haven't been there for her. I've just been selfish."

"You are the least selfish person I know." Trevor replied quickly, before Sienna could bring herself down anymore. "After everything Nico has done to you, you have stuck around. You're there for me, there for her AND there for me Ben whenever we need you. Even now, you're worried more about Nico getting enough support than the panic attack you just had… More than the fact she stabbed you. You're not selfish at all." Trevor placed his mug down before pulling Sienna into a hug the sofa. She snuggled into him and lifted her other leg onto the settee. Her head was against his chest and she could hear his heartbeat. Subconsciously, the pair began to breathe unanimously. For those few moments, everything felt like it was going to be ok.


End file.
